Just a note to ask if there are other married women and men who are happy in their marriage and in their affair at the same time? I am fulfilled at home, in the bed and emotionally, with two men meeting my needs.
It would be great if I had found a guy who could satisfy me both emotionally and sexually, but it just didn't happen. My partner is also married and feels the same way. We will never leave our spouses, and they are unaware why we don't hound them for physical intimacy anymore. They are both relieved of the pressure, and there are no more fights or silences.
People stay married for many reasons, and not all problems can be worked out. The four of us are friends, and I sometimes wonder if they would even object. Let's face it. There are those who just do not like sex! I believed in no sex before marriage, and now I know why my guy was okay with that! He is not gay, but just says it's not what it's cracked up to be.
Chastity, in one of P.G. Wodehouse's books, Bertie Wooster quotes something Jeeves told him. "There can be no love where there is not perfect trust."
When people learn about a spouse's infidelity, they feel their world has come crashing down. We have never gotten a letter from someone who found out their mate was chronically unfaithful, and they were happy about it. They feel deceived and lied to. There are therapy groups where people talk about D-day, the day they learned of their spouse's infidelity.
You are explaining things to yourself in a way which justifies you and makes your spouse the problem. But go ahead and try to prove your claim. Tell your husband tonight, and encourage your "partner" to tell his wife.
Wayne & Tamara
Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.